Living My Last Days

By the time I got home yesterday, my pain reached an 8. I wanted to do this post last night but by the end of the night, the pain was too great that I couldn’t.

I was not as cognizant. I was dizzy. I was nauseous. My head felt like a combination of pressure, drills, being on fire and more. The pain worsened as the night progressed despite taking stronger pain relief. When I would fall asleep to rest, I’d randomly be woken up by the extreme pain.

It was that kind of flare up.

As I reflected though, even with that high pain, if yesterday were my last day, I’d have NO regrets, and I’ll share why in a minute.

First, let me share with you how I spent it:

• Advocating for something I believed in, despite possibly looking stupid or going against the majority (Fellow people pleasers and approval seekers know how hard this is, especially in a large room of strangers. It would’ve been SO much easier to keep my mouth shut.)

• Serving my community to my best capacity. (Not the high expectation I set for myself or the ones others place on me that I willingly take on where both leave my frustrated, tired or both.)

• Serving those I care about and love to my best capacity. (Not the high expectation I set for myself or the ones others place on me that I willingly take on where both leave my frustrated, tired or both.)

• Serving the women I coach and are a part of Overcoming with Grace to my best capacity. (Not perfectly, but gave what I could)

• Prioritized my health by exercising, reading, read by Bible, praying, listening to a podcast, eating healthy fuel and then having a little joy treat at the end.

• Spent time with my kids. I talked with them. Hugged them. Kissed them. Told them I loved them so many times.

• Ended the night in the arms of my husband watching Friends while eating my favorite: chocolate. PERFECT combo right?! Hubby. Friends. Chocolate!

It was an AMAZING day and exactly how I want to be living the rest of my days. Now I know I won’t be able to live EVERY day as if it were my last. But the aha moment I had in my office before I closed my laptop was this: This is why I’m doing what I’m doing as a life coach. This is what I want the women in my life to know that they can do as well….that we can LIVE…that we can SERVE…that we can LOVE, even with our physical, mental and emotional limitations.

My pain was one of the highest levels yesterday, and yet I felt the most content, filled, and even ALIVE. My depression and anxiety flared up the worst it has in awhile, where I had to be in treatment for months earlier this year, and yet I am living out my calling and purpose more than I ever have in my life.

How is that?!

It’s because of the thoughts I was having.

It’s because of the thoughts I was taking captive. The negative thoughts will always come, and they were definitely coming even yesterday.

As the pain was progressing throughout the day…I was thinking, “How am I going to have my sessions?” “How am I going to cook for my family?”

And although these are valid questions that we often try to fix and find solutions for…what we don’t realize is that these questions sometimes continue to leave us in bondage.

Once I remembered that whatever God had for me yesterday, no limitation or pain of mine can stop, it gave me this strength to finish out my day. But I had to be intentional with remembering it.

I may not have finished my day perfectly….maybe it wasn’t how I would’ve originally envisioned it to be…but it was exactly what it was supposed to be.

AND IF YOU’VE READ THIS FAR, KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT A GOODBYE NOTE.

As I was sharing this with my husband, he was like, “You’re not leaving me, are you?!”

For those that know I have struggled with depression since I was young, this can be a very real question and concern as I am sharing yesterday’s aha’s. But please know this post is coming from a place of FULL passion, excitement, and an even deeper realization that what God has planned for me, nothing can stop.

Not my pain. Not my physical conditions. Not depression. Not anxiety. Not my past. NOTHING.

And my hope and prayer is that those that see my story, those I work with, and those that God places in my life, including you reading, will see me living it out and know that it is also possible for you and them too.

Emotional Triggers

We talked about physical triggers. Now we are going to talk about emotional triggers.

One of the easiest ways to combat your emotional pain is to be aware of what triggers it.

The long-term goal is to work through these triggers so they won't impact you as much.

Maybe even one day, they won't be triggers anymore.

But until you do the work to get there, be aware of them, honor them with grace, work on creating a healthy plan for now and trust and know that you WILL get to that place step by step.

Our emotional pain can DEFINITELY make our physical conditions worse, WAY more than we realize.

We can literally make ourselves more sick from stress. So it is important to be aware of these things, so you can navigate through them healthily, and some may be more subtle than you think.

Some emotional triggers for me:

• Yelling
• Certain things from my past/PTSD

Here was a surprise/subtle one that I finally confronted and accepted:

• Not completing projects *GASP*

I didn't realize how it kept perpetuating my existing negative core belief that I'm unworthy and useless.

The interesting thing, was that I was ADDING more commitments and projects to fight this core belief, to the degree I couldn't keep up, and when I couldn't keep up, I'd believe these negative thoughts about myself even more. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Now that I am aware of this, I am CONSTRAINING more (saying no more and being more focused) so I can complete my commitments more feasibly.

This does not mean I am finding my worth in completing these projects. That is a whole other topic in itself, but it does mean that through this awareness, I am taking action on things I have control over to not only complete the projects I set out, but also minimizing my emotional pain (and therefore my physical pain) in the process. 🙌🏼

What are some of your emotional triggers? Are there any that surprise you?

Physical Triggers

Are you aware of the physical triggers you have? I've asked my clients this often, and many times they have gotten so used to going with the flow, that they aren't actually intentionally aware of their triggers.

When you are more aware of your physical triggers for your chronic conditions, you can reduce the actual symptoms by not only more awareness, but also reducing the emotional pain that comes with our conditions, which in turn reduces physical symptoms.

When you are aware of them, you can better plan how much or how little you want to expose yourself to them depending on what’s on your schedule, including accounting for rest times when you do flare up.

Here is a short list of some of mine:

• Sleep: number of hours, positioning, texture/firmness of pillow
• Driving
• Overused vocals (talking too much and singing)
• Nutrition
• Extreme heat/cold
• Certain exercises What are some of your own physical triggers for your physical conditions?

Take some time today to note them down so you can have more control over them, than the symptoms having more control over you.