Who you are is who YOU decide to be. It's not your past.
It's not what you did.
It's not what was done to you.
It's not what others say you are.
YOU get to decide who you want to be.
I would've had an 18 year old...
It’s that time of the year again, when my heart jumps from various emotions.
It’s been 18 years since losing my son and I can’t believe it’s still so painful.
Perhaps this year hits harder because it’s the reality that I would’ve had an 18 year old.
It’s a reminder of what could’ve been, and who I was, and the emotions that come with reflecting all of that. I don’t have very many words to say compared to last year. Nothing fancy or eloquent or poetic…just a mama going through the emotions.
But I will say that pain can still be so painful after a long time; like a knife pierce-in-your-heart hurt...but what my trials and pain have shown me over the years, is that the knife pierce-in-your-heart hurts point me to Jesus, who was pierced on his hands and feet with the greatest hurt that was arguably the most painful thing experienced here on Earth.
I miss my son.
I worry about my other 2 beautiful kids and possibly having to lose another child before I would like to.
But what I wrote last year still stands more true than ever: That all my grief, pain and questions point me to my greatest gift and treasure I could ask for…and it is because of my greatest gift and treasure that I get to see CJ again one day.
Thank you Jesus.
Changes are scary, but necessary
Friends, there are so many changes that are about to happen in the next month, so many changes that have ALREADY been happening in recent months.
Some painful. Some good. Some scary.
But all of it was and is necessary.
Our human nature resists change for a lot of protective reasons: We don't want to get hurt. It is hard to try something new. It is hard to face things we have been doing wrong. It is hard to face insecurities. It is especially hard to face painful pasts that may be the reason why we do certain things.
It is hard mama, but it is through the changes that we grow the most.
It is the changes that allow for another area of our hearts, minds and souls to be opened up to a new area of growth and life we didn't even know existed.
And that brings so much more joy than we ever thought was possible.
It brings such an exciting rush that no amount of staying comfortable can EVER give you.
And it brings you closer to the God-sized dream and the God-given purpose you were put on this Earth for.
Lots of changes are going to be happening in my life, and on this page, and I am so blessed to be able to do it alongside with you all!
Lots of Love,
Phoebe Grace